Parents Play a Role in Children’s Play

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Parents Play a Role in Children’s Play  

Jim Windell

 

            Many parents of young children have little idea about how to play with their kids. And at least some of those parents believe that playing with their children doesn’t teach them anything useful. Some parents simply are in a holding pattern waiting until their children grow up so they have more in common.

            But the fact is that play helps build social skills. And moms and dads can play a large role in how their children develop social skills. But it’s not just because they are their child’s primary role models. It’s also because how kids and parents interact will serve as practice for new social situations in the future.

          Furthermore, the way parents and their children play together may be the framework for how kids will treat other children. That conclusion comes from a recent study from the University of Georgia. The study, published in Developmental Psychology, drew from data collected at the University of Illinois. Researchers brought more than 120 mothers and their toddler-aged children to a lab playroom to observe how they interacted while playing.

          Following the children through their preschool days, the researchers examined how they interacted with their friends while playing. After six months, the researchers paired children with kids they had never met and observed how the pairs interacted. Later, when the children were around four and a half years old, researchers brought the participating children in to play with a close friend. The researchers focused on two main types of behavior: responsiveness and assertiveness.

          Children who were receptive to the suggestions of their playmates and enthusiastic about playing with them scored high on responsiveness. While many may think assertive behavior equals aggressive behavior, assertiveness in this study meant that the children took the initiative – like inviting another kid to play or coming up with ideas for games.

          Mothers and children had a strong connection if the mother was sensitive to the child’s behavior and the child responded positively. When they showed this dynamic during play, those children were more likely to show the same responsiveness with their friends. Similarly, when mothers were sensitive and children were assertive during play, those children were more likely to be assertive with kids they didn’t know. 

          Meeting new peers can be nerve-wracking for many kids. They need the confidence to take the initiative and assert themselves in a respectful way. With a friend, however, they know what to expect, so responding feels more natural. Interacting with someone new requires different skills than spending time with a friend.

          “You don’t want a child to be completely only compliant and never really taking the initiative,” said Nivantri Ravindran, lead author of the study and an assistant professor at the University of Georgia’s College of Family and Consumer Sciences. “Neither do you want a child who is bossy and never listening to the other kids’ suggestions. Having a balance between those two behaviors could help result in more socially competent children.”

          During most parent-child interactions, parents are in charge. They decide the rules their children follow and what their kids can or can’t do. When playing, however, that hierarchy breaks down. Kids are free to tell their parents what they want and how they want to play.

          “You’re going to guide your child, teach them and show them how to do things, but it’s also just as important to follow their lead sometimes,” said Ravindran. “That can really help balance out those behaviors.”

           To read the journal article, find it with this reference:

Ravindran, N., & McElwain, N. L. (2024). Dynamic coupling of maternal sensitivity and toddlers’ responsive/assertive behaviors predicts children’s behavior toward peers during the preschool years. Developmental Psychology, 60(10), 1801–1813. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001809

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